2/8/08
making adjustments
I have realized that I don't have many pictures of my middle child and no recent stories to blog about him. I hope he is not just blending into the background of my life. He was our "baby" for a long time, and now that we have a new baby, he's had to become big boy and I've really missed the time I used to spend with him. We would sit on the rocking chair and snuggle for a long time quite often, and he would rub my thumb with his thumb--something he's done since he was a baby, but doesn't do hardly at all anymore. I really miss reading books to him, just me and him with no squirmy ticking time bomb that will need to be fed or changed or want to stand up and bounce any second. The pressure and constance of having a baby really piles up on me around 3-4 months, always. I guess that is when I realize that I have done little else but attend to the baby for 90 days and I am about to go nuts if I don't get back in balance right quick. I always feel guilty telling people about it too because it seems like everyone else with babies just can't get enough of their little bundle and are just loving life. Well, I have figured out that it isn't the baby that makes me crazy; I just love our little guy and have really enjoyed the wonderful experience its been to have him join our family. It is the adjustment period that seems to take forever that makes me crazy. But I think the key is to not think about how much easier it would be if I didn't have the baby, because, lets face it, the baby is here to stay, and we're grateful for that. So why is it so hard to change my thought process so instead of thinking, "I can't do that, I have a nursing baby" I can say, "I will just have to bring the baby, and I'll find a sitter for the other two." Having a baby, or two, or three, makes life more complicated, plain and simple. But life doesn't have to stop. Or I guess I should say that FUN doesn't have to stop. There IS life outside feedings, diapers, drool, and spit-up. And thank goodness for that. Figuring out how to do it with a baby in tow and getting everything else done in my 10-15 minute windows is what I gotta do, and then I'll feel like I am more in control of my life.
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6 comments:
Seriously. I love your posts. I feel like you are going through the EXACT same thing that I went through 2 years ago. I felt tremendously guilty about having a baby and not being the mom I "used to be" and not having the relationship with my older boys that once seemed so easy. The truth is, having a baby is HARD and thats why it's so wonderful. We sacrifice everything (our health, energy, time, sleep, schedules.. you name it..) and that's exactly why we grow so much. Adding a baby to your family is the BEST thing you could do for everyone involved. Your little dude is now a big brother and he is taking on a new role and actually becoming a new person because of this little baby. There is nothing you could buy for him or no amount of time you could spend with him that could give him this opportunity. It is really a wonderful thing!! Little Mack is the VERY thing your family needs. It has to be SO good for your older children to see how MUCH you sacrifice for the new guy! In everything you do, you are teaching them what it is to love and sacrifice for your family-- and they are part of the love and sacrifice too. Instead of telling them how much you love them, you are showing them by taking care of their little brother. The very essence of your home is changing for the better, and that in itself is the best thing you could be doing. Soon the baby will be running around as part of the pack and THAT is when the family will reap all the blessings (even though I know you've seen him as a blessing from the beginning.) In small ways everyday, you are giving them another best friend. There is nothing better you could be doing with your time.. What a GREAT mom you are.
Keep up the good work. The minute you stop stressing about not doing all you can is the minute you stop being a good mom. How lucky they are to have you!
Sorry for the essay!
I left Annie with my mom a big chunk of the day yesterday to make a trip up to Logan to finish moving our stuff and cleaning our apt. And it was pretty much the first time I had left her for that long. The last 15 months I have had that sweet little thing ATTACHED TO MY HIP. And while I love my sweet babe, it made me think back on the last 15 months and how DEMANDING of a time that is. The sweet baby stage is sweet but a huge job, day in and day out. Thanks for the "real" post. I like you :)
Tristie,
Kati (Brown) here, I found you through Tisha and I just have to comment. As crazy, busy as those days of being a mom for little ones are, don't forget to enjoy them for every moment, the good, the bad, the ugly. Because before you know it they are 15 and would rather eat glass then be anywhere near you! When your kids are big and they don't need you for every little thing it is wonderful and sad. Every stage of motherhood has its challenges and joys! I would love to go back and have a few days of loving and cuddling little ones, but those days are over. I will just have to wait until I am a grandma I guess. Bottom line is don't worry about all that your not doing and focus on all that you are doing! Your kids will remember reading together even though the baby was wiggling and kicking! You are an adorable mom, keep up the good work!
Hi Tristie - I just went through this talk with the new Mom who lives next door. She is only at 2 weeks. It is funny how that 3-4 month period I have always called my "trapped" moment, until I can rethink life and creatively think outside of my limitations. I love you bunches. You are so creative, no box or babies can keep you feeling "trapped" for long!
You're a few months ahead of me atleast! I really liked what Dallin H. Oaks said the other day at the broadcast. His mom used to say, "I love my kids with all my heart, but I can't love them with all my time." You can only do so much! There's not enough time in our busy mama lives for guilt. I'm still working on it. :-)
You look amazing by the way - as always!
Ooh... I like the last comment because I do love my kids with all my heart but I only have so much time in the day for all that is demanded of me and many nights I've felt guilty that I didn't do this better or spend more time doing the LITTLE things that mean so much. But I am still trying to balance my schedule and my time and I only have 2 little ones right now (and 2 big ones)but some days it seems so hard to get anything done!
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