my thoughts on *Keeping the Spark* in marriage

I love thinking about when Dax and I were first dating. I am sure those of you that are married would agree. You know, the feelings, the excitement, the kissing. I remember getting all ready for dates. For one particular date, I had carefully selected to wear a lime green top and black shorts. I looked so cute! As I continued getting ready, I peeked out my apartment window just as Dax pulled up to get me. He got out of his car, and to my utter shock, he was wearing a lime green polo and black pants! How embarrassing to match your date! I broke speed records in changing my outfit before he got to the door. What a fun and exciting time in our relationship that was. There was a special spark. And it has been that way ever since. RIGHT?

There’s an article in the 1986 Ensign entitled, “Everyday Marriage”. In it, the author states, “When we take our marriage vows, we commit ourselves to the whole package—the highs, the lows, and the ordinary. But caught up by the delight and wonder of falling in love, we tend to anticipate that our marriages will be high romance, week after starry-eyed week. It may come as a jolt when we finally realize that more of the texture of marriage is getting dinner on the table and paying utility bills than it is moonlight and roses.” Well put. I want to know how to keep that spark in our marriage, even amidst all our daily demands.

In my opinion, the quickest, easiest, and cheapest way to a sparky marriage is laughter. I read an awesome article in the September 2007 Ensign entitled, The Power of Laughter. It states, “On average, children laugh 400 times a day, while adults laugh about 15 times.” How sad! The scriptures say ‘Men are that they might have joy’ not, ‘Men are that they might be way serious and stressed out.’ President Hinckley said, “In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.” Dax is GREAT keeping laughter in our home. He is always messing with me and the kids. When we lived in Logan, I would get telemarketing calls every day and most of the time, they were for companies that wanted to fix the rock chips in my windshield. I am usually very nice to telemarketers but I was getting so tired of getting those calls. One day, the phone rang. I picked it up and said, “Hello.” And I heard (in a southern accent), “Hi ma’am. This is Darryl from Diamond Auto Glass. Do you have a rock chip in your windshield?" ARRGG! Me:“No, I do NOT have any rock chips in my windshield and you guys call me 3 times a week and I am getting sick of it so could you please take my number off your calling list?” Suddenly Darryl from Diamond Auto Glass started laughing in Dax’s voice. He totally got me!

Another thing that keeps us laughing is our funny journal. It is just a cheap little journal that I make an entry in every time something funny, cute, or amusing happens in our family. Most of the entries in it are about our kids, but Dax has a few gems in there, as well. Like when he said to me, “Don’t worry honey. No matter how fat I get, I’ll always love you.” Last night, he was at the computer and just as I walked into the room, he was typing in a search on YouTube. I watched as he typed ‘smash car with rock’ I was practically brought to my knees in laughter watching HIM laugh hysterically at videos of cars being smashed with rocks. Here is a guy who has not grown too old and serious!

Life is funny. There is so much out there to enjoy. We should enjoy things and laugh together often. My favorite quote from the article, The Power of Laughter is, “We tend to like people we have fun with”. True, true. If we want to like our spouse, we need to have fun with them.

And the perfect venue for having fun is dating. We have to date our spouse! It may seem like we have less and less time for each other. That is why it is so important to keep dating regularly. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, write it on the calendar and treat it like any other commitment you have because marriage is the MOST important commitment we have and our marriage is worth every effort we put into it. I asked a few of my friends for ideas on this topic and here is what I got:

Visit the temple together, read together, ask him on dates in crazy ways like we used to do for dances, turn off the phone and the TV, do new things together like batting cages, comedy clubs, roller skating, fishing, or anything the two of you have never done before, sit on the porch and talk, exercise together, do something your spouse is into (I have hunted with Dax and he has scrapbooked with me), do a project together or learn to do something new together, have a planning meeting once a month so that on your dates, you can gaze into each other's eyes rather than talk about each other’s schedule or dentist appointments coming up.

Our spouse should be number one on our calendar because we love them more than anything else we can spend our time on.

The Book of Mormon teaches about true love. I’m of course talking about charity, or the pure love of Christ. I have our engagement picture tucked in Moroni, chapter 7 right next to the verses about charity because I think Moroni 7:45 describes the perfect spouse:

“And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

Don’t you want to be married to the person this verse describes? Don’t you want to be that person? When we practice charity for our spouse, we are patient, kind, we are happy for our spouse’s successes, we continue to learn from them and about them, we are concerned about their comfort and happiness, we forgive quickly and easily, and we think kind thoughts about them. That is what true love is. That is what charity is.

And the thing I like most about charity is found in verse 47: “But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever.” I think everyone enters their marriage hoping that their love will last forever. And we can have that lasting love if we do what verse 48 says and “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ.”

Pretty much I am no marriage expert, but our Heavenly Father is. He and Jesus Christ are the biggest advocates of marriage there are. Jesus Christ has shown us the perfect example of how to love. Pray for inspiration. Heavenly Father will inspire us if we ask Him for help. Then when we get an idea, we should pause and act.

I am so grateful for the chance to be married! It is such a wonderful blessing and privilege to be on this fun, and wild life journey with someone I’m crazy about!