I have been asked to speak at a fireside for my church next Sunday on the topic "How to keep the spark in your marriage". So I am asking YOU, my blog readers (whether you are a faithful or casual reader) to give me ideas from your personal experiences. I know who you are (I have a site tracker set up) but only 10% or less of you comment regularly. So here is your chance to repent, stop lurking, and LEAVE A COMMENT so I know you love me! Even if you are not married, I know you have great ideas so I welcome ALL feedback. Even if you don't think you know me well enough to comment, it is time we get acquainted my friend! If you DON'T comment, I will assume you want my speech to bomb and my marriage to fail. And no one wants that on their conscience, right? If you have forgotten how to comment, just click on the word "COMMENTS" below this post, type in the space provided, then type in your google account info. If you DON'T have a google account, click the bubble next to Name/URL and type in your name, then click "PUBLISH COMMENT". Now, get to it... How could a couple keep the spark in their marriage? Click on COMMENTS....NOW. Thank you!
30 comments:
Hey Tristie, I just read your blog, and I have to say that I love you way too much not to leave a comment.
I have to say that I believe that since Cory and I have went through the temple, that is what completely keeps our "spark". Instead of trying to make a date night to just go have dinner or somthing, we now try to replace that with a visit to the temple. I know that I would rather accompany my husband to the temple and do temple work than go to dinner any day. I have a testimony that this has defiantely kept a "spark" in our marriage. I know it hasn't been a long time since we were sealed, but I know without a doubt the feelings the temple brings out in me. I love my husband more with each visit.
I hope this is a helpful comment, I love ya, take care and see you soon!
Jayce
Tristie, I just read the best book it is called "How to date your spouse" by Lindsey K. Rietzsch it is full of fun and cheap ideas. Making sure my hubby and I have a date night at least once a month has helped us remeber why we fell in love!
Hey, a site tracker??? How do you set that up? Is that for real? I want to know how to do that. But anyway, about keeping the spark in your marriage, for me, honestly, it is just making sure that I do little things for Dan all the time to let him know how much I love him. He takes a hint from that and then does things back. Also, date nights are VERY important, I am sure you know that. Girl, I am no expert, so that's all I got in my magic cap! You have a good marriage, I am sure you will give a WONDERFUL talk.
No, but for real...that site tracker thing, how do I set it up?
Tristie - You are the perfect person for this talk. You will do great. I think you ought to post your talk after you give it so we can all get good ideas.
One of my favorite things to keep our "spark" (besides all of the great suggestions above) is that I try and do the things that I did when we were first dating.
Examples: Send notes with lunch, Ask him on dates in crazy ways (you know those funny things we did for dances?) Show up at his work on his birthday and Valentines day with some fun surprise.
Let the answer machine get the phone. Don't answer the door. Spend some uninterrruped time together every week. CHOCOLATE IS ALSO VERY EFFECTIVE.
Well, you caught me. I must say I am one of the lurkers. I wonder if you even remember me, but I remember you! To this day I still think of you as one of the most fun, positive people I have ever met. I am not psycho...I just enjoy reading your blog and I think its fun to see how you and your sweet family are doing. Anyway, as far as how to keep the spark in the marriage. Make time each week to spend with eachother...whether you go out or wait till the kids are down to watch a movie or something. And try and do the little things that mean the world to your spouse.
-Ashley from Alabama (the Minson's cousin)
Laugh a lot. If nothing is funny in your life talk about old times that were funny and hopefully it will make things lighter and funner in the present. You will be excellent giving this talk.
What helps us is trying new things together. Go to comedy clubs, batting cages, concerts, do a new hike, etc. Continue making memories together, not always just talking about the past. Good luck with your talk!
Jensa Anderson
First of all, Miss average of 8 comments per post, what is your secret? Never mind, I already know. It's because your blog is so fun to read.
My favorite spark perpetuate-or is spontaneous acts of love. I sent flowers to Josh's office the other day. What guy really expects that. He surprised me one evening with a living room dance.
Wish I could be there to listen to you speak. You will do such a great job.
Laugh all the time. Never go to bed mad, bugged, or angry with eachother.
ps how do you set up a site tracker?
You are a great person to give this talk! Is Dax speaking with you? Okay for some ideas........ I think the biggest thing for Mike and I is not the elaborate date night it is more sitting on the porch/couch after the kids have gone to bed and just talking. Nothing to spectacular but something that really helps us to remember why we fell in love in the first place. Just being each others Best Friends and continuing to try to perfect that friendship. Good Luck you'll do great.....
I thought I commented on your blog before, but if I haven’t It’s Jolene (Berg) Munford. I Love the book “The Five Love Languages” My husband is #1 Words of Affirmation, he love to do things well and have me recognize them. It helps to know how your spouse feels loved. We also love to read together in bed and in the car, anything from the Book of Mormon to Harry Potter. It is something fun to do that usually turns into a long loving conversation.
HI Tristie, In case you were wondering who Charter in Riverside CA is, uhh that's us. Me and Tyler love reading your blog and all the hillarious things your kids do. My favorite so far was Hunter's attempt to call 911.
As for marriage, um my advice is #1 having a sense of humor. #2 showing a genunine interest in the hobbies, ideas ect that your spouse thinks are important and supporting them in that. an example. I had a hard time getting going on b-feeding Lincoln, but Tyler was so supportive that I never wanted to give up. He knew how important it was to me and he really cared that I did it for myself and our son and was right there in the breastmilk bandwagon with me and I thought that was so awesome, and I couldn't have done it without his support.
good luck on your talk!!
Hey, I'm not an expert as you well know but here are some that mean a lot to me: Compliments, thank yous, and acknowledgements of jobs well done go a long way. Also keep giving those little love squeezes that meant so much when you were first married or dating, e.g., kisses on the neck, a touch on the shoulder as you walk past, hand squeezes, kisses on the forehead, etc. You get the idea. Good luck with your talk. It will be perfect and inspiring for the listeners.
How far is it to Roosevelt? I would LOVE to hear you speak. My advice is to do little things to show your love as much as possible. A wink, a text or voicemail to tell them you love them. A note on their pillow or in their lunch sack. An unexpected thank you. Those little things keep our marriage alive.
I know you'll do a fantastic job.
Good luck Trist.
After talking with Dave, we've got two ideas:
Dave says that even with 8 kids, his parents had a date night every Friday. They got away and concentrated on each other. It also sets an example to your kids that you love one another and value one another. No better gift you can give your children is to love your spouse.
My idea is find a hobby you can share together. Whether it's tennis, puzzles, movies, trying new restaurants, anything will do. (There is something romantic about being adventurous!) Dave and I workout together. No matter how busy Dave is with school, we still workout together. It keeps us healthy and sexy for each other!
Good luck Tristie! Hopefully we'll see you when we're out in Utah in July...I haven't met your little guy yet, but he's a doll!
hmmm. A practical one, R. and I try and have a planning meeting once a month and a date once a month. The planning meeting means that when we go out we don't have to talk about next weeks appointments and who needs to see the Dentist etc. so we can concentrate on eachother.
All I know is that they asked you to speak for a reason. You are so much fun and seem to always put your family's needs first. That will for sure keep the spark in a marriage. I'v read a book called the 5 love languages that talks about doing what Tina said. do the little things, the things that make your spouse the most happy, and he will in turn do the same for you. Good luck. What a big responsibility!
Also, my blog is going private so leave me a comment with your email address. Or email me at jjbowcutt@yahoo.com
What a great idea to have you speak at a fireside...who wouldn't love to hear from a great person like you!!
Well, I'm not sure what to say, but I think it is always good when me and RK do new thing together, especially new projects where we learn together. New memories are made and we can always look back at what was accomplished.
I'm totally not qualified to make any comment on the subject, but I just have to say that I think you have figured out the formula for a great marriage. I really think it is mutual tolerance and being more concerned with the well being of your spouse than your own selfish needs. I think everyone likes to be told and shown that they are loved, and the unexpected always gives it a little kick. I agree with the above people that having a mutual thing you enjoy doing or a project to accomplish really is a key as well as communication. So, there's my comment, but I think you'd better take advice from someone who is actually married-not me!
CRAP-O-RAMA now that I have read all these answers I feel guilty as heck. I'm going on a chocolate run and maybe I pick up some flowers right now. I too, want to read your talk on this BLOG after you give it. Always,
Hey Tristi. This is Danielle Clark from your ward in Logan a few years ago! I would have to say go to bed at the same time. I like to go to bed earlier than Tanner but there was a few week span where we both got in bed at the same time and gives you time to just talk and cuddle!
Tristie I have no Idea how but I know what can kill the spark! I love you though so I thought I better say something. Love Trina
Well, I've only been married 17 months, and have a less-than-2-week-old baby...so maybe I am not veteran enough to comment...BUT it's definitely different keeping the *spark* when the wee ones come along! I think, with or without kids, it's pausing in the moment when you have an impression - and taking the time to just act! Example: We were getting our baby and ourselves ready for bed the other night. Me, the new mommy, feeling a little scrimy, brushing my teeth, walks into our bedroom to find a candle lit and my husband and tiny son asking if they could have this dance. My husband had set up his iPod and it was playing the song we dance to at our wedding (which we haven't listened to for months). It was the sweetest thing - the three of us dancing together. And simple. So simple. And free. And not time consuming. But my husband acting on a little thought, even at almost midnight, sure brightened the spark for both of us, and let our little son feel the love we share.
This is a great topic for anyone to think about. My husband and I....I feel much closer after we have a good talk. When we go out on dates (like many have mentioned) and when we do spontaneous nice things for each other. those are top three on my list.
you have plenty of advice...but just wanted to say you'll do wonderful!!!!
It is the simple things that keep the spark like remember to hold hands, kiss each other when you get home and leave, really listen to your spouse don't let the tv distract you, remember to do little things for holidays even if its not the normal holidays you give each other thoughtful gifts (like easter & other holidays). Really talk, and look and each other when talking so your spouse knows you truly care and are listening.
Destiny
Hey Tristie, Your mother in law gave me your blog. I love it. We missed being with the family for the reunion.I have started a blog too, but I am not sure how it all works. I would love to have you on mylist, what do I do for that? Anyway, My advice to keep the spark is hold hands as much as possible. There is something in a touch that says " I am thinking of you and boy do I love you" When we hold hands it is more than just holding, its a little playing too! Good luck with your talk. Your kids are growing up so fast! They're beautiful! I am sure they keep you busy! It is a fun time of life don't regret any day, I miss those days terribly! Give Dax our love and all those cuties of yours
Annette Swainston
Anytime Beau has to go out of town I hide notes in his clothes and food:). I also give him cute lingerie for EVERY holiday. The best is when his family is over Christmas morning and Beau pulls something cute or super sexy for me to wear out of his stocking, hehe. You probably don't want to share that one over the pulpit. Best wishes! You'll do great. I agree you should post your talk!
Ok, ok you caught me! I too was afraid that you won;t remember me! It is Stacie Smith (now Downs) from Dixie! Your guy's kids are beautiful in fact your Preslie could be my Addison's twin! Our blog is downs4.blogspot.com
- you will do great with your talk!
Stacie
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