meaning, purpose, and direction

I've had a strong desire this year to simplify and focus on what is most important in my life. I do less of what others expect/want me to do and more of what I know is best for me and my family. My list of people I want to please is short. I say no to extra commitments and yes to my family. Moving in this direction, I have had increased peace and contentment and (I hope) better relationships with my husband and kids. I'm becoming more and more of a free spirit, living by inspiration and by my gut feeling, rather than social norms or expectations. 

I attended Mack's class read-a-thon and started a book called Stargirl. Been a long while since I've read a book for leisure. Mack had forgotten to give me the note about the read-a-thon but I saw it after he left for school that day. Quinn and I surprised him when we showed up with a beanbag, pillow, blanket, and books. Mack read The Chocolate Touch and Quinn read I Spy.

 It has been raining and raining this spring! A few Saturdays ago, we hopped in the car to go play at the park and cook s'mores but the rain started coming down. We just kept driving and listening to an audio book, The Indian in the Cupboard. We ended up at a neat park up the canyon that had covered fireplaces where we cooked s'mores with the kids. Turned out being a wonderful day together.

 I had a special Mother's Day at home with my husband and kids. Dax cooked me good food all day and we attended church where my 3 youngest sang "I Often go Walking" in sacrament meeting. I know Mother's Day is a hard day for many people. Even women who are blessed with kids often have feelings of inadequacy or regret. I have felt those feelings but this year, I realized we are all just trying to do our best and we are not perfect and it's ok!

 Last Saturday was the Fathers and Sons campout but Dax took us ALL camping someplace else. We played board games and hiked and did some shooting. Hunter killed me at chess. He is awesome.

 We saw wildlife and enjoyed more rain and the outdoors.

 I love my kids with all my heart. They are all so quirky and difficult in their own way but so easy and wonderful in other ways. Hunter can squat on top a high railing while eating his lunch!

The end of school equals projects, papers, performances, but also parties, movies, and water fights!

We attended Preslie's last choir and dance performances. Hunter ended his math club last month.
 We traveled to see the newly built Payson Utah Temple. We loved the pretty flowers on the grounds. The temple itself was beyond beautiful and over-the-top extravagant.

 We were able to visit siblings and their kids and also my dear parents. They are the best people. I had a wonderful therapy session with my Mom late one evening. We solved the world's problems and I am better for having spent that time with her. I love her and all she is and stands for. She has been a rock in my life and I will miss her dearly when she leaves this Earth. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I'm willing to let her go because I rely so much on her wisdom and strength. I know she welcomes the day when she will be released from her mortal pains and cares and so I will also be happy for her when that time comes. But it will be really hard, too.

Back home, Dax and I planted potatoes, tomatoes, and peppers. Added to the peas, carrots, raspberries, and onions, our garden is full. We went to a neighborhood social and felt like outsiders even though we've been here 6 years. It didn't bug me. I used to live for social gatherings and now I can take them or leave them. I do love people and enjoy a good chat once in a while but I find that need is usually filled by interactions with people in my own home and family. I am good with that!

School is out. Hunter ran the mini-marathon (a tradition at his school on the last day). It was his last time running it;  he goes to jr. high next year! This has been the best school year for Hunter. Mrs. Olson is the most wonderful teacher. She expects a lot; she keeps her classroom under control and pushes the kids to excel but they all know she loves and adores them. She not only teaches them academically, but the kids leave her class with better life skills and greater character. I teared up leaving that school with Hunter. He has blossomed this year. To say he's a great kid is an understatement! So grateful for him in my life! His giant hair makes me smile! Takes after his Mama.

I took Quinn to kindergarten screening and immunizations even though I don't think I am sending her to school. I thought because she would be 5 in the summer that she would go to school this fall but the closer it gets and the more steps I take in that direction, the more I feel I should wait. \She is a wonderful and capable child, but I am not in a rush to push her out the door for the next 13 years.

 We bought a pool pass and have already been 3 times! I love going the last hour the pool's open...no crowds, less sun, and when they blow the whistle to get out, it isn't Mom that's the bad guy for making them go home!

 Dax whipped out a couple of summer haircuts for the boys. I have an internal struggle with buzz haircuts. But I didn't as much this time . . . my new "simplify" mindset helps! Whatever is easy and gets the job done works for me.

The kids had some friends over last night for a little party. Burgers, hot dogs, and 15 kids playing in the house and yard kept them busy for hours. I worked on projects mostly! Fun night for all.

I love summer's flexibility and freedom. I wanted my kids to have a little structure so they wouldn't be total wastes so I started a new chore checklist for them this week that is working pretty well. They have daily jobs (clean room, household job, prayer/scriptures, weeding, exercise goal) and weekly jobs (scouts/personal progress, their own laundry, journal writing, and memorize a weekly scripture I give them) All of the jobs are small and simple. At the end of the week, they get paid a little for each job completed. Pay doubles if they have everything checked off for the week! It is going well so far. I've never done a system like this; I'm a more on-the-fly type but I wanted to have a plan so that I don't have to come up with stuff each day. It is already planned out so we just stick to the plan and the plan tells us what to do instead of Mom pulling jobs out of the sky whenever and not being consistent.

Update on my brother Matt: He has made miraculous progress in the year that he's been here. He and little nephew have healed a lot from the crappy year they had. After a lot of dating and looking, he has a girlfriend! He is working and I have my nephew full time while he works. It is pretty great most of the time. But I know now why God didn't want me to have a 5th child. It kinda puts me on the edge of sanity sometimes! I already walk too close to that edge as it is. So adding another kid who has his own set of issues to my already nutty bunch makes my house an asylum sometimes! It's the crazy leading the crazy around here.

I'm trying my best. Life is so full. I saw this saying on Instagram the other day and it is my new mantra:

Do less,

 but with more

 focus.

This is exactly what I've been striving for these past few months. I used to try and do everything all the time for every person. It's not sustainable. My focus is God, Dax, my kids, and beyond that is a case by case basis. I am learning to say no to things and people that don't add purpose to my life. I have all the purpose I can handle!