rain in October

It's been raining here for a few days and I love it. But you know the saying, "When it rains, it pours"? It's been doing that here, too. I don't so much love that. That kind of pouring rain is figurative and it's not as much fun as the literal rain that you go out and splash in and you look up and let it fall on your face.

It's hard for me to write about crappy stuff. My blog is my happy place where I get to write all my good things and thoughts and just stuff that is awesome. But things can't be awesome all the time. But why always October? Looking back..

October 2013, our ward got re-organized and we were put into a brand newly created ward. I was asked to be in the Primary Presidency and Dax in the Young Men's presidency. Starting a ward auxiliary from scratch is no picnic. Among other things, I logged over 30 hours on my computer in a couple days, making spreadsheets of primary kids, class lists, contact info, cub scout lists, lesson schedules, teacher lists, substitute lists, etc. Dax's work and hobbies both pick up in October and that year was no different. One morning after a long day of primary work and my husband being away, I woke up and I literally could not move my neck/head. I couldn't turn my head side to side, up or down. My neck hurt so bad, I cried. And when Mom cries, everyone kinda freezes cause it doesn't happen that much. This is the same October I made everyone in my family a Flintstones character for our ward Halloween party. Halloween has always been so much fun for me but I nearly pushed myself to breakdown status. A couple of my dear friends, sensing my desperation/depression, came over and rescued me one day. They kicked me out of the house. I went running/crying while they cleaned my kitchen and did my dishes.

October 2014 backstory: In the spring of last year, my sister-in-law left my brother after she'd been cheating on him. The devastation and heartbreak that ensued can't be fathomed. I flew to Alaska and helped Matt pack up everything and he drove/rode a ferry, and drove more, thousands of miles to live in a little old house I found for him 2 miles from mine. I took care of Matt and Wyatt in lots of ways and little by little they started to establish normalcy here. Then came October: 4 days after Wyatt's 6th birthday, his Mama took her own life. That ruined a lot of things. Including Halloween for me. Which I know is totally, like, at the bottom of the list of things, but it's still on the list. I just can't bring myself to put gravestones and bloody skulls in my yard anymore. And that is fine. Life changes us; we grow and go in different directions. We evolve. Good things come from hard situations. I got to live by family and develop relationships that I never would have. My kids never really knew Wyatt before last year. Now he and Quinny are best buds.

So that brings me to this October. Right now. My 13-year-old daughter Preslie moved 7 hours away to stay with her grandparents for a while. It is really hard to have her gone, but we know that is where she should be. She is attending school, is going to young women's, making friends; everything she should be doing! Except I haven't seen her since she left 4 weeks ago. My heart has pounded and ached over these new situations. I can't just run down there and visit any old time! I have 3 other kids + Dax that I'm also in charge of. So I'm learning new things (like patience). And I'm relying on my Father in Heaven more than I ever have ever in my life (ever). Dax and I are being led and guided. And comforted. But it's not easy. And Preslie misses us like crazy. Seems like a lot of things in my life are broken...our car windshield, dryer, computer, dvd player, VCR (my favorite workout is on VHS, people..and that's broken too), and even our family feels kinda broken, not being together and all. I'm not writing this to get pity or charity. It's just life and needs to be documented. I don't want sympathy or to have to answer a lot of questions. I want to live as close to normal as possible. Some days, that is hard enough. But other days are quite happy. Like I said, we are for sure being lifted through challenging times. It's the greatest testimony in the world to know that we have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who love us and know just what we are going through. There have been little miracles and clear, direct answer to prayer. It's so cool to see the hand of God in my life. I have the best friends. And of course the love of our families is irreplaceable.

Today Dax had it. He's tried all year to go out and do some hunting. He wanted to go out in the spring to hunt antelope and his Dad found out he had cancer. He tried to go elk hunting the end of September but Preslie moved. He went out for one day to help my brother Matt and my Dad set up their hunting camp, but work and family obligations brought him home. So finally, on Thursday he went out for the last weekend of the deer hunt. The roads were a muddy mess from all the rain, but he made it to a camp. The next morning his 4-wheeler wouldn't start. The same 4-wheeler that is only 2 years old and that we just paid off last month. He was so defeated; The cumulative effect off all his failed attempts and everything else in our life really upset him. He almost gave up. But he pushed through! Dax and Hunter have their stuff set out, and tomorrow at 5am they are heading out for one last try! I hope they have fun together.

There is so much good in my life that it seems really lame to list the unpleasant stuff. I am so grateful; especially for my relationship with God. It's good to have times where you really KNOW what is most important in life. So I guess I'm learning to go out and splash around in life's rain storms. And I'm learning to let the rain fall on my face and learning that in order to really appreciate it, you have to look up first.

Nothing is concrete yet, except concrete.

Seems like forever ago that the kids started back to school. We surprised Dax's parents over Labor Day weekend with a visit. Their health has been sketchy lately and we hoped to cheer them up. When we arrived at their home, we Facetimed with them while we were standing on their front porch. Didn't take long for my MIL to say, "Are you on the front porch?!!" Wonderful visit. 

I have 2 kids in Junior high, now. Mack is enjoying 2nd grade.

Quinn started in my friend Jo's preschool. On the first day, she dressed herself and perhaps realized her leggings didn't quite go with the dress and said, "Sorry I wore these Halloween pants but they were just really pretty." I'm a fan of disregarding fashion/design rules when you think something is really pretty! Her teacher, my dear friend Jolona, lives out of town on a farm and has a huge garden. Her raspberry patch is impressive and she is so generous to share it with friends. We've picked and eaten over a dozen gallons of her raspberries. It's the best candy ever.

I made Dax his favorite deluxe cheesecake for his birthday. This year, we topped it with our haul from Jo's raspberry patch. Amazing. He said it was the best cheesecake he's ever had.

Lots of craziness going on at my house in the past 2 weeks. Like crazier than ever. Crazy good stuff and crazy difficult stuff. On the good side of things, we have projects going, finally! The back corner of our yard is like the last huge and annoying part of the yard that is unfinished. I've wanted a big patio forever. And Dax wanted a garage. So we are doing both. Here are progress photos from start to where we are currently!

catch all/eyesore

Footers poured for garage

forms for stem walls

stem walls poured, forms removed, backfilled, designing patio shape and leveling it

garage floor done, pouring upper patio

Finished! Love it!

Another angle BEFORE:

AFTER:

Dancing on the patio!

Waiting patiently for 7 years payed off! Dreams come true; time to party.

ramp for easy bike/scooter/wheelchair access to lower patio

And as always, when stuff gets cray in my life, my urge to redo rooms boils over. It's my way of controlling my environment in a small part. And gives me and out; something to focus on other than worries.

Mack celebrated his 8th birthday. He had buds over for burgers, dogs, and running games. He didn't love his birthday during General Conference weekend but he did get one message out of it. During Sister Neill Marriott's talk, he ran upstairs and said, "Mom! This talk is like our family. 'It will all work out.' Maybe not right now, but it will all work out!" Loved that moment. Love that kid.

heart coaster

What a week. I took Preslie in Monday morning to get her tonsils and adenoids removed. Dax was on a work trip so I left Hunter to care for the littles. Preslie was super nervous. When the nurse took her blood pressure, it showed.

 The freaking out was real!

 When she came out of surgery, she kept going, "Whoa!" "I don't remember anything!" "Are they really out?" "Whoa." "That wasn't even that bad!" (Later that evening, it WAS that bad) While we were at the hospital, my girlfriend Jolona took Mack to audition for Missoula Children's Theater. He's wanted to be in a play so badly so he went for it!

Preslie and I arrived home from the hospital and found out Mack got a part! He was to be a pumpkin in the play. Yay!
The next moment I found out that our dear friends tragically lost their 12-year-old son the night before. My heart has been so heavy. This spunky boy was my cub scout and his Mom was my den leader assistant as well as a good friend since I moved to Roosevelt. My heart is broken. Friday I went to the viewing. Upon entering the church, I felt sick knowing that my friend was going through this. I saw her and we just hugged and cried. There is nothing to say to parents who have lost a child. You simply hug and cry. I pray every day that they will unite together as a family and that they will be strengthened in their trials. It is amazing what happens when hard times come and you turn to the Lord. I've felt peace and guidance in the most crazy of life's trials. Though I've lost a few people that are close to me, this boy's death hit me pretty hard. I do have a testimony of eternal families and of the healing power of Christ's atonement.

 During the week, Preslie had friends come visit and bring popsicles and balloons. And a giant bear.

Although it's always crappy to get your tonsils out, I dare say (in this case) that doing it with an older child is slightly better because it's easier to get them to drink plus they're bigger and stronger. It's sad to see your kids in pain, but especially the little ones. Also reasoning with a 4-year-old with a sore throat is impossible.

My boys surprisingly have played really cute together this week. They generally don't hang out that much but I've loved seeing them have lightsaber battles and play Legos.

General Grievous

 Here are my tonsil twins with their matching hospital mugs. Good to have all the tonsil surgeries over with! Deductible was met, people. Mack is the only one with tonsils left in our family. That kid can never follow the norm! Good for him.

My father-in-law came up to play with my other kids while I took care of my baby teenager. Mack had play practice all week and performed in the play Cinderella twice on Saturday. He was totally darling and LOVED the experience. He even had a little solo part that made our hearts burst! Saturday night at bedtime Mack said, "Mom let's find another play I can be in right now."

Sunday we went to church and in sacrament meeting, Preslie told me she felt hot. I touched her head and she was warm and sweaty. Dax took her home, fed her and she went to bed. At that point, I felt apprehensive about sending her to girls camp the next day. Well, she woke me up this morning at 6 and had me drop her off at the church! I sure hope she does ok! She is one week out from her surgery and I sent her to the mountains with a bottle of Tylenol! So we will see if I get awarded Mom of the Year.

Quinn has been melting my heart. She made her own cookbook last week with her delicious salsa recipe in it and we were going to make it but she couldn't find her cook book. So I got out a little cookbook my grandmother gave me when I was little and she picked a banana bread recipe for us to make. We headed to the store to get bananas and I just loved our conversations and the fact that she wore a ring and that she gasped when we pulled into the store parking lot and said, "Capri Suns are on sale!"

I just have to share that as I was typing this, a super annoying big loud buzzy fly was circling around the room trying to break my concentration so I texted Dax who was in the other room..

Dax is pretty much the most fun husband of all time. I love how he keeps things light. Life gets too serious sometimes! Also- his cooking. So yeah, best husband ever.

NO! vember

Seriously NO. Why is it another month?! The time racing by makes my heart race with stress that I'm not getting my projects done fast enough. I DID make massive progress today, though. I got half my bedroom painted and it is so much brighter and fresher in there already.

 I had the cutest helpers! My room has a lot of angles and it is really tall at the highest point. Here is me sitting at the top of my closet. That dark wall to my left went bye bye.

 For the color I chose, I went 2 shades lighter on the paint strip. It is also the color of my ceiling, so that makes for some easy cut in (none). I am happy with the change already! More work to be done, though. So much more.

Moving backwards through the month of October... Halloween:

(the girl on the end on the right was Katniss..notice the bow. She looks like her! I love when people dress up as characters they look like. I always love a creative idea/ homemade/ made up costumes)

Totally thought of the boys' costumes day before...Mack was a zombie clown (did his own make-up) and Hunter was a greasy mechanic. The "greese" wore off. He unpicked the name tag from the coveralls. For some reason, he didn't want to be a mechanic named Elvis.

I got a new niece named Audrey! Can't wait to meet her! Dax got to already! Yay for babies.

 I made this roman shade for my friend's daugthers' room! It turned out way fun. I can't wait to go over and see it hung up in the window.

Hunter was awarded his Arrow of Light. Hard to believe that little Wolf in my scout den has graduated to boy scouts!

Hunter joined his school's Math Olympiad (which I think is a club for smart kids). I am way happy about it!

We really enjoyed Preslie's choir concert and her Halloween dance show. It is fun to see my kids develop talents.

We went deer hunting with my family. My Dad, brother, bro-in-law, husband, and I all had tags. We camped with my aunt, uncle and 2 of my cousins. A couple of my brothers came up to camp for fun. The kids liked the gophers that popped their heads out right in camp.

 It was Hunter's birthday while we were out camping. I surprised the pants off him and brought his long lost bud from Salt Lake out to spend a couple days with us. Hunter blew out his candles atop a dutch oven cobbler.

Opening morning I rode with Dax and we hiked around looking for deer. We saw a cow elk, a porcupine, and a blue jay. Also a doe or three. We didn't get a deer but had fun. I really don't enjoy shooting animals. I do love to camp, hike, and visit my family. Many of my extended family hunt and that is when I get to see them. I took a selfie of us out hunting. Later I saw how weird it turned out and noticed my camera was on fish eyeball setting. WHY is that a setting? Not useful.

My Dad brings pumpkins for the kids to carve every year at deer camp. They love it. My Dad is a great host and always shares his trailer, food, and supplies with us. He is the biggest kid of all and wants everyone to have as fun as he does.

I gave Hunter a chess set for his birthday and he is getting way into it. He played Dax and beat him. Dax got so frustrated. It was so funny/sad. Hunter felt all bad and guilty for winning his dad. Dax is really mellow and easy going but once in a while, his competitive streak shines through and he looses that warm fuzzy vibe that we all love about him. Playing games with my in-laws makes me think competitive-ness may run in the family! Ha!

 I took Mack with me to go back to deer camp a couple days later to see Trent and Kenzi who had driven in from Seattle. It was fun to visit them but Mack got a fever right when we got there and felt crappy the whole night. I drove him home the next morning.

 My littles ran the Spook Scoot race. They were awesome! They ran their hearts out. I ran along with Quinn and cheered her on. She was a delight. I was so impressed with their good attitudes and perseverance. A mile is far for such short legs.

 I took Mack and Quinn with me to Salt Lake for a funeral. On the way we saw this rad Moose. I pulled over and snapped some pics. It was SO cool to see. We were very close. Mack and I loved it.

 The funeral we went to was for my little nephew's Mom (Matt's wife). Seriously, people write movies that are as crazy as Matt's real life. It was really sad and hard. I feel sad for Matt and his son. The only thing worse than losing your wife, is losing her twice (3 times, actually). It was bad for a week or so there. My whole family mourned. My little Mack cried and cried that his cousin didn't have a Mom. Things are going to be ok. Life is hard sometimes.

I am sorry to write about such crappy stuff on my happy little blog but sometimes life isn't fun. A person's choices affect so many more people than just them. The more I get to know people, the more I realize that no one is exempt from hard times. So many people I love are dealing with so much. People that seemingly have it all together. I've learned time and time again to never ever judge someone; you never know what they are going through or struggling with. So many people that I think have everything going for them are carrying heavy burdens. This month I went to visit a friend in town who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  I have served in cub scouts with this rad girl and she is one of my sewing buddies. She went from an energetic mother of 5 to losing her breasts and her hair-plus other horrible side effects of chemo (and cancer in general). It is amazing to me how people recover from the blows life dishes out. I just want to reach out to people and lift them a tiny bit to make things a little easier to bear. Here is a quote I read in the Nov 2014 New Era that hits home:
"We came to mortal life precisely to grow from trials and testing. Challenges help us become more like our Father in Heaven, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ makes it possible to endure those challenges. I testify that as we actively come unto Him, we can endure every temptation, every heartache, every challenge we face." Richard G. Scott

Ok, here is a weird thing- I got released from primary! WHAT?! I'm now the Relief Society meeting coordinator (Enrichment leader). I cried about leaving primary. Mack sobbed. It has been an emotional month! I will attend Relief Society tomorrow for the first time in a year. I have come to love primary. It isn't just babysitting like I thought it would be. Miracles happen there. The kids are so bright and know so much about their Savior and His gospel. I never thought I could feel the spirit in primary with all the wiggly and loud kids but I was so wrong. I've loved being in primary with my own kids, too. I will miss them! Our Primary program in sacrament meeting was this month. So cute. Quinn sang her heart out. Also at one point she walked up on the stand and grabbed a microphone and started singing into it. Little diva wanted to be the star.

Among lots of these other things, my master bedroom project is constantly on my brain. I wake up in the early morning hours and immediately my mind starts racing with lists and ideas and plans. Then my heart starts racing. Then my eye starts twitching. I have GOT to get this baby done. I need to sleep and feel content in my own bedroom! I know that sounds so crazy but it is real and exciting and annoying. Having my room done will add quality and years to my life. This is happening. Watch me do it!